Soldier of Fortune Magazine The Journal of Professional Adventurers
by SGT May, Israel Defense Forces
The terrorists just keep coming, and you are alone… in the most dangerous place in Israel. – An IDF soldier remembers being present for the attacks on Israel on October 7, 2023.
6:30 in the morning – a massive boom. I thought it was a dream, but when I opened my eyes, the booms just kept coming. “Red alert, red alert,” and the sound seemed faint compared to the massive booms. And then we ran to the shelter.
And boom, boom, boom, followed by another boom, with rockets falling everywhere and everything shaking.
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Darkness and fear, then a call from Keren: “It’s a complicated situation, I need you, Hadar.” So I convinced the girls by shouting, and we ran to the situation room. A run where all along the way you hear boom, boom, boom, and everything is shaking.
You enter the situation room and all the commanders and officers are there, and that’s when you realize it’s real. That you are in the most dangerous place in Israel right now. And that dozens of terrorists are on their way to you. You see them approaching. So you try to take a deep breath for a moment. To ignore all the shouting over the radio, the fallen people, and the chaos.
You take a deep breath, and the moment you open your eyes…severely injured people are being brought into the situation room. Shouting, blood, the smell of death everywhere. And in the background, more booms, more shaking, and more shouting and chaos. And you realize there’s no choice. So you get back to work. And start providing first aid.
Instead of taking a deep breath for yourself, you count every five seconds in your head and press on the chest compressions. So that someone else can continue to breathe. And you clean, ask questions, fill water, and take care of things. And all of this to forget the noise and chaos. To forget that you are at the heart of the war. And within a few minutes…there is another boom. In an instant, all the soldiers and commanders go out to defend the position because the terrorists we identify on their way to the checkpoint just keep coming, and you are alone.
“A cell of six is in the base, another cell of ten, 200 small ones.”
And you see Zach taking out the terrorists, but the wave just keeps coming. And then the soldiers enter. Wounded, anxious people shouting. Crying. And then another name of a casualty comes up, and you realize that you sat with him just the night before, laughing and getting to know him.
Then he arrives, Gil, the amazing person who never took the smile off his face, and made me feel like I had known him for years, and he’s covered in blood, from head to floor, bandaged everywhere, but you see that the blood keeps flowing. And he’s covered in blood from head to toe, and even as he is bandaged you see that the blood keeps seeping through.
Your hand hurts and struggles, and the smell of blood gets stronger. But you make sure he gets treated and never take your eyes off him. And so time passes like whole days. And as time goes on, more and more names are added. And there’s no break. “Missing people, medic, take a helmet and go!”
Gunfire at us and boom. Our tank explodes at the entrance to the checkpoint. Seizure of the tank and suddenly gunfire was directed at us. And boom. The electricity goes out. Everything is a mess, complete chaos. You are alone in the situation room. Rocket sirens. You have no idea what’s happening outside. There are no forces backing you up.
And you announce, “Send reinforcements, because if not, we’ll all be dead within ten minutes. We’re down to only eight soldiers.” And you feel powerless. Lying on the floor with the dried blood. Inside a closed closet with a dog. A baby’s cry in the background. The darkness, the smell, the explosions, the shouts of the soldiers outside, and the feeling that this might be the end.
The wounded soldier came into the chaotic command center and shouted, “There are terrorists on the roofs, they’ve killed everyone.” The footsteps above your head In the command center.
The booming. So you take another deep breath. And you run through it in your head whether it’s better to die from an explosion and shrapnel or if they’ll find me in some hiding place and take me with them.
The mind doesn’t rest from anxiety, so you leave the hiding place, step out in front of the brigade, and shout for the forces to come they arrive then there’s a moment of hope, but it’s a small one because the moment you step out with the rescue team, you realize the reality of the war outside—the soldiers on the ground, the bodies.
The pieces of people that you recognize. The darkness, the fireworks in the sky, the fire and water everywhere. You are running. Running and praying that some terrorist won’t decide to throw a grenade again. And these are the seven longest minutes of your life. And hoping that hope returns, that you are on the bus surrounded by our forces.
But no you are still closing your eyes, grabbing the hand and not ready to look at this terrifying road playing movies in her head already of an encounter of shooting of kidnapping.
And you really want to get through this nightmare, thinking that you are already getting to your bed today. But everything is bad. And there are terrorists everywhere. So they put you in a base in the south. A base in the south that’s much further from Kisufim. But we know that there were terrorists here too. And that many are still roaming around.
Every small step of a person sounds like a gunshot. And you close your eyes and remember every action that happened. You can’t go to sleep feeling safe. And the smell doesn’t leave your nose. And the blood on your hands and clothes. And you lie awake all night trying not to replay the day in your mind. But that day turned into a nightmare.
This essay and other soldier stories appear on the official website for the Israel Defense Forces.
